Being a good Father
In thinking about being a good father, the starting place is to see that fatherhood derives its name from God who is our heavenly Father. Paul says in Ephesians 3:14-15, “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.” Though God is spirit (John 4:24)—and thus neither male nor female—he has chosen to reveal himself as our heavenly Father, and Jesus, as his Son. What this means is that from God’s relationship to his family, we can better understand the ideal for human fatherhood.
At two critical moments in Jesus’ life we have recorded for us the words of the heavenly Father toward the Son. At his baptism, and then again at the transfiguration (Matthew 17:5), the Father says to Jesus in an audible voice for others to hear: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased” (Luke 3:22). These words are so significant, because at his baptism, Jesus hadn’t yet started his earthly ministry. He hadn’t yet done any miracles. He hadn’t yet preached any sermons; he hadn’t yet cast out any demons. But, the Father says that he loves his son and he is well pleased with him.
Right here we see the pattern for being a good father. Fathers, your children (and your wife for that matter) need to hear you frequently tell them words of love and affirmation. Words like, “I love you. You’re so special. I am so proud of you.”
Whatever age your children are, they need to hear these kind of words from your lips. Whether they are 5, 25, or 45 your children need to hear you telling them how much they mean to you. The sad reality is that so many men never got love and affirmation from their dads growing up, and so as a result they don’t give much to their children.
Whatever your experience may have been, I would encourage you to do four things.
1. Thank God for whatever ways that your father was a good father, and mirrored the heavenly Father.
2. Forgive your father for the ways that he fell short. If you don’t forgive your dad for his shortcomings, then you’ll be condemned to be like him. That’s why the cycle of dysfunction so often gets passed from one generation to the next. Forgiveness breaks the cycle.
3. Look to your heavenly Father for love and affirmation. He is the ideal dad. The Psalmist said, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (Psalm 27:10). No matter what your earthly father has been like, you have a perfect, loving, and affirming heavenly Father who will receive you. He is the only one that can heal your brokenness.
4. Choose to give lots of love and affirmation to your children. You can’t do anything about your past, but you can do something about your future. You can say like Joshua, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15). Be a good father by giving your children the love and affirmation they need. You can be a success in your job, or a success at work, and you should strive for that, but it is even more important to be a success at home by being a good Father.
